what a shame
learning to be brave in a world that wants us stay hidden
I had a dream the other night. I was watching home videos of myself from when I was young.
I saw myself with my brother and paternal cousins performing dance routines—something we never actually did together.
I saw myself performing with no fear. My dream self realized this was who I was when I let my inhibitions free.
A version of myself before shame settled in.
Later in the dream, I was confronted by the change I had noticed in myself. I knew I was no longer be the girl in that video dancing. I was blocking myself from the ability to move freely like I once could.
Do you believe dreams come to you to teach you about yourself? Because I've been having a lot of those dreams lately.
Dreams that show me my shame.
They show me how shame has been creeping up on me. Trying to follow me around like a dark cloud. It wants to stop me from dancing how I used to. The message shame intends to deliver is loud in my mind. You should be embarrassed.
*
When I was the age I was in the dream videos, I was considered shy. Probably a shock for those who only know me as an adult. It was a conflicting feeling to rationalize how I could be shy when it was not my natural disposition.
Somewhere along the way, I started associating shame and embarrassment with talking.
Now, I'm ready to be brave.
It takes time to heal fear brought on by shame. Time spent learning how to think differently. Learning to let go of the masks we use to hide our true selves so we can begin to accept that hidden version.
Life is too short to live pretending to be someone you're not. Especially at the cost of repressing who you are.
I am now embracing my shame. Questioning it. Taking back what it has taken from me.
Being brave like the young girl in my dream.
Dancing with no fear. <3