A friend and I were at a dinner event the other night. I had no expectations going in. I got semi-dolled up for the night. It wasn't a fancy event by any means, but I wanted to look nice and wear something other than jeans and a white button-up.
If there's one lesson I've learned in my late twenties, feeling confident will change how people perceive you. For me, my best happens when I look my best. There is a clear shift in my environment when I walk into a space with confidence. When I feel comfortable in my body, I feel comfortable with the people around me.
This observation has come after years of struggling with social anxiety. I rarely ever felt comfortable with people around me. Anxiety steals your ability to be present. Nervous energy is overwhelming. It's also very likely noticed by others, even if you try to conceal it.
The evening of the dinner, I felt comfortable. I was confident. I walked into the space and felt magnetic. I was magnetic.
I was standing talking to a friend when this man across from us asked someone who we were in Italian. We didn't know what he was saying at that moment, but we knew he was talking about us. He wanted to know who we were. In my mind, he saw two smiling girls and was curious about our radiant energy. We knew we belonged, and he wanted to know who we were that we felt that way.
This man was someone I had met briefly before at work. I think I caught his attention that time as well -- although not enough for him to remember meeting me. I joked about this to my friend, not wanting to come across as full of myself. She validated my comment, though, "I saw the way he was looking at you."
The whole night, I kept noticing him around me. There was even a moment when I glanced across the room and accidentally locked eyes with him. He had already been watching me. When he saw me, I noticed he smiled.
Something so small. With no real meaning, it made me feel alive again. I had been in a rut for the past month. Uncertain about life goals and relationships. I put all that to the side that evening. Just wanting to spend time with a friend and eat delicious food. The payoff? Reminding myself how magnetic I become when I'm happy.
When we can be happy without validation, we usually get it anyway. And the best part of that validation, it doesn't even matter. Sure, it can help reinforce positive thoughts about ourselves. But when we already feel that way, we don't need to rely on attention for confidence.