a letter he'll never read

i'm still convinced he doesn't know how

This is hard for me to write because I worry you won't understand. Not because you don't speak English but because you'll read it defensively instead of with an open heart.

It hurt my feelings when we didn't see each other for a month, and you stopped talking to me. I know I'm very sensitive. I knew if I felt this way when there was no real commitment, I would only feel worse the longer we spent in our situation together.

I know you've been dealing with a lot. Even though you never spoke to me about it in the last month. The night before you told me your boss had quit, I had a dream about the two of you. There was a frantic energy in the dream. You were trying to follow him and got lost. I was also in the dream, trying to stay with you, but you were going on without me.

I felt like it was a premonition. Something had to change.

I liked you a lot as a friend, but I always wondered if you wanted me. In my life, I always had to ask the people close to me to love me, and now I feel inadequate. I suffer from self-doubt. It's not your responsibility to help me heal, but I like to think that maybe we could have been that for each other in another life.

We're both in similar places where we don't know what we want. I think the difference is I need to let go of my past to feel free, but you need to deal with yours.

You may not realize how you change when recall memories of growing up in South Italy. I can tell you love it despite holding onto a lot of pain. I understand how painful memories can hold people back. I let mine control me for over twenty-five years. I hope one day you will go back and heal. You're running from the pain, but I think you're meant to be back there with your family. If only for a little while. Otherwise, you'll keep running.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm only a girl, after all...

I would hate for you to run for too long. Eventually, you'll tire. Your feet will give out, and it could be too late.

When we met, I wanted to run away. I would have rather escaped to Italy than deal with the pain I was feeling.

When I talked to the psychic, she told me I would be with someone who wouldn't commit, or the card could mean travel. It was my choice, and I chose to stay and be with you.

Even though I spent the past month in tears, I'm thankful to have chosen you. You helped me learn a lot about myself. I feel more confident now in healing my pain. I'll never know what would have happened if I left, but our timing together was intentional.

It started at a critical time for me to heal, and now, it has to end so you can begin to heal as well.

Maybe our timing will align again one day.